How to discern our ability to relate

We tend to judge everything within our Western Society. Judgement is intended to help us improve that which we are judging. However judgement always has a detrimental impact on our life and the life of those whom we judge. This detrimental impact is evident in our ability to relate within our life in this present moment.


Let’s make the distinction between judgement and discernment: Judgment is a comparison which is perceived as disempowering and invalidating, whereas discernment is a comparison which is perceived as empowering and affirming. If I choose to judge what another thinks of me, because I believe that it is congruent with my ability to form connected and loving relationships, then I will experience a life of disempowerment and invalidation. This is because no matter what I do or how well developed my capacity to relate becomes, there will always be people in my life who invalidate me. This is affirmed by a poem created by Shane Koyczan, where he says: “you will be hated for your successes or your failures, for good looks or bad looks, for intelligence or stupidity. Hate is the child of the hater, nurtured by the beliefs that it’s fed, you will often have no control over what you are hated for. Know that antipathy becomes the master of its owner, know that if you are going to be hated regardless of who you are, then be fearless enough to be who you want to be.”


We will be hated and thought of in a judgmental manner no matter what we achieve or how evolved we become. Those who achieve relationship mastery choose to discern their abilities based upon something deeper than thought, they choose to discern their ability to feel love for everyone and everything that they interact with and use this as a measurement of their ability to relate.


When we choose to discern our abilities purely on the amount of love that we feel for another, we become empowered and resolve the self-criticism which inevitably ensues from a life focused on thought. The experience of empowerment is inevitable when we choose to focus on what we are feeling, because no one else has any ability to control what we feel. Where ever there is empowerment there is growth, therefore when we discern our abilities based upon how much love we feel we inevitably increase our capacity to relate to everyone and everything within our life.


Our ability to relate is not evident in what another thinks of us. The proof that we are capable of forming strong and loving relationships is evident in our ability to feel love for another regardless of who they are or how they are expressing.

Please click here to view Shane Koyczan’s poem ‘How to be a person’.